Fasting for...

             As of January 13th I began a 21 days fast with The Harvest church. For the past 10 days I have been eating nothing but raw fruits and veggies. 
            I could easily lie to everyone and say that this is really simple and not a hard thing to do at all. But is is not. This fast is one of the hardest things I have probably done in my entire life! I mean me, a teenage girl, is giving up CHOCOLATE for 21 days! (Goodness what was I thinking!) 
           People who partake in a fast all fast for different reasons. For me, I am fasting for a couple things. And God is using this time for His glory and His purpose in my life. 
           For one, I am fasting to prepare my heart for Kenya. I want to spend time dwelling in his word and find out what my purpose in Kenya will be. "...Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." -Matthew 4:4
          And the second thing I am fasting for is my relationship with my dad. As some know, my dad is an alcoholic. Alcohol has taken over his life. I know I can't blame him for his illness, for he is hurting himself. He was in the army for several years. In the front lines, he saw his best friends killed, and him himself killed those who tried to hurt our freedom. He didn't get the help he needed when he was discharged and so he treated himself with alcohol and prescription drugs.
          My mom and him are recently divorced. And although he isn't apart of my life, he is still my dad. I long for a relationship with him. However, I have to forgive him; forgive the things that he did, the things he said, everything. 
         I've been working on the forgiveness process for quite sometime now. Some things have changed though. And it is time for me to finally get this step over with. Things like me becoming a big sister. My dad and his girlfriend had a baby girl on Monday, January 14th. Alexis Ann Lynch, my goodness, I am a big sister. I may be 16 years older than her, but I am a big sister. Something I have dreamed and longed for for as long as I can remember. 
        Alcohol and prescription drugs is still unfortunately apart of my dad's life and his girlfriends too. It is not by chance I am that little girl's big sister. God made me her big sister, so that years from now, when she is questioning her life wondering why things are so hard, why she has alcoholic parents, why she was given the cards she was; I will be there. I will be there as a shoulder for her to cry on, someone to talk to, a listening ear, someone who has been there and done that. Someone who got through it. 
        I got through it with love, support, and a guiding hand from others who went through it as well. 
        That is what our stories are for, that is what they are about. They are testimonies of life. Life that kept on going and kept on moving even when the world seemed to be crashing down around us. Life that truly became life!
        So this fast, isn't just something I am doing just to do. I am doing it to deepen my relationship with God and to get things moving on the right track. 
        I am going to prepare my heart, my mind, and my soul for Kenya. The things I will see and the things I will experience. And I am going to get over my hurt and my pain from my dad and finally let that chapter in my life close so I can hold my baby sister's hand when she thinks no one in the world cares.  

        I'm letting go.
        I'm letting God.