Blonde Move

                    This past summer, my great-grandfather, Clifford Raymond Mittlestadt passed away into the arms of Jesus. 

                    January 31, 2013 would have been his 82nd birthday. To say he wasn't on my mind the entire day would be a understatement because he is on my mind all day every day. No one will ever understand the amount of love and the relationship we had. 
                   My dad is an alcoholic who isn't in my life. His dad wants nothing to do with me and has voiced that openly. I never met my mom's dad, not even seen a picture. And then there was my great-grandpa. My hero. My male role model. The one that I model how a man should treat a girl.

                   I was more than angry with God when he passed away; I was livid! It didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand God's master plan behind it all. My dog died, my dad is arrested for domestic violence, my parents divorce, and my great-grandpa dies all in a 10 month time frame. 
                  Looking back, I was being so silly! I cursed God. Cursed Him for what though? My great-grandpa had been sick for 5 years and was in pain. I cursed Him for taking away the pain and taking Him back home, to His everlasting home. 
                  What a total blonde move! 
                   Sometimes, life is like looking through a fogged up windshield. We focus on what we can't see and don't focus on what we can. We don't see the bigger picture in life. God is the artist and we are the master piece being created brush stroke by brush stroke. 

                   The bigger picture of this all, that I am finally coming to terms to realize is that God didn't take my great-grandpa to Heaven to hurt me. He did it for me to see the bigger picture. To take him out of pain, to take him to his true home, and to show me that there is a male who loves me and cares for me. 
                   I've always known that God loves me and that He is with me 24/7. But did I truly, actually, deeply, & spiritually believe it? I hate to say it, but I'm not so sure I did. 
                  And through this all, all the pain, hurt, and anger I went through the days and months following his death, God brought me to read the book Songs of Songs (or Songs of Solomon, depending on your Bible) in the Bible. 
                  In Songs of Songs it talks about the love the man has for the body. I don't interpret this as if a man were looking lustfully over a woman and her "woman parts." No, I see it as the bride being us, the body of people, and He is Jesus. He refers to us as His beloved and as His love.
                 "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." -Songs of Songs 1:15
                  From beginning to end it talks nothing more than about the first confessing her love, the bride's dream of a lover, the wedding day, how He admires the bride, how together in love they stand firm, and then at the end it shows the bride longing for this true love.
                 The bride can only imagine a love so amazing, a love so real. And that love that is so amazing and so real can only be received through one thing alone and that is accepting Christ Jesus.

                 I've read this book several times; however, I have yet applied it to my life. And with the loss of my great-grandpa, I now see the purpose behind this love story in the Bible. It's purpose was to show me, on a personal level, that yes in fact the one male I thought ever truly loved me is gone. But God wanted me to see the bigger picture, to not focus on the bad and to realize that He loves me, and that He longs for me. That is my new love story.

               Now, if boys thought it would be hard to live up to my great-grandpa's standard...try living up to the bar the Heavenly Father has set ;)